Trump Is A Mockery To All Decency In Our Country/Emotionally Intelligent..He Is Not!!

save our children

“If you wish the sympathy of broad masses, then you must tell them the crudest and most stupid things.” Adolf Hitler/Mein Kampf

I hesitated to quote Adolf Hitler in Mein Kampf for many reasons. He decimated so many of my people and in the cruelest and most inhumane ways. However, this quote is so on target when listening to the ranting and raving of Donald Trump that I felt it would ring true for so many. He must be stopped for we are the laughing stock of the civilized world. The U.S.A is not one of the most civilized nations of the world. We have more violence and gun-related killings than most nations. And now, we have one of our contenders for the highest position in our country, inciting violence and saying that this is just fine in the name of politics! He is giving permission to be violent if you disagree with his followers and those promoting his candidacy.

What an example he is setting for our children! All the recent progress that may have been made addressing bullies is lost when we are allowing Donald Trump to bully those who do not agree with him. He speaks with anger, attitude and a tone of voice that riddles decency in and of itself. He raises his fists and shakes them in contempt every time he addresses the American public. Stop him now for the sake of every one of our children who has been subjected to bullying and who wishes to be able to thrive in an emotionally safer environment. Children learn from their adult models and they are learning quickly now that violence and meanness is now back on the table as a choice for behavior towards one another.

Emotional Intelligence is about empathy, kindness, controlling emotions and demonstrating feelings of compassion and understanding in the face of adversity. Do you recognize Donald Trump in any one of these attributes?

I am counting on our media, our leaders and our silent majority to step up to the plate and stop him now! The Hitler dictatorship wasn’t on our shores but it led to a World War. It is said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Please let’s learn from lessons of our not so distant ancestors. One man can change the face of humanity before our very eyes. Let’s not listen or react to the crude and stupid things that Donald Trump says or does. We need an Emotionally Intelligent leader!
My Country Tis of Thee, Sweet Land of Liberty, Of The I sing! Samuel Francis Smith/ America

For More Information on Emotional Intelligence and Raising Your Children With It, Visit EQforChildren.com

Welcome To The Land of Love and Joy, An EQ Fun Place for Children

With your children, watch and listen to our latest video

Blog viewers…please forgive my absence from blogging. I have been busy fulfilling a long time dream of mine. I do believe that the end to children experiencing demeaning behaviors will only come about as the result of raising a new generation of emotionally intelligent children. I began this over 30 years ago and now it is time to bring CJ (our Creator of Joy) and his Family of Characters to today’s children. Technology is now making it possible for me to reach so many more parents and children around the world.

Our children are growing up within violence and mayhem and they require the behaviors that will help them feel emotionally safe within themselves. They need these skills today more than ever! I was bullied as a child and young adult and I only wish I had acquired these ways of regulating and controlling my emotions.

I have created fun and easy to do activities for parents, teachers and guardians to teach these very important skills. They are not innate and since the emotional brain develops more quickly during the early childhood years, this is the optimum time to teach and practice these skills. EQ is 80% the reason we are successful in life!

Please take a look at my new website! There is plenty to do for children all ages. They can play on it freely! They can also join the CJ Kids Club and receive fun objects in the mail.

Visit Our Fun Website and Play Your Way to EQ

Truly the only way to stop an outside or inside bully!

Do Our Political Contenders Display Empathy?

Empathy

The news is filled with the contenders for the 2016 election. The topics are Planned Parenthood, Immigration, Iran and the shapes of faces. Three out of the four that I mentioned have been bantered around for at least three decades. I listen and wonder what happened to the pulse of the American people. Are they taking it? What saddens me, there is a silent majority out there who find certain aspects of it despicable and yet that pulse is not being taken. The same comments that defame and demoralize are repeated over and over again. There are no boundaries and the fact that this is being allowed is a significant indicator as to the emotional intelligence of both the silent and the vocal.

What is Empathy? The Webster’s definition is : the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.
Let’s state it more simply. The ability to step into another shoes and experience what they are feeling and experiencing. Empathy can be communicated by sharing kind voices and keeping to oneself the voices that demean or defame. We as a nation are losing the ability to empathize causing the boundaries of human consideration and kindness to become not only blurred but destroyed.

Empathy is an EQ attribute and skill that is not innate and needs to be taught by the adult community to children of all ages. What is happening as a result of the 2016 election is that the spotlighted vocal are not empathetic human beings and they are giving permission to adults and children alike to totally disregard that human boundary and consideration. Bullies running amok and the bystanders allowing this behavior to continue and be glorified.

I am just one voice…join me in becoming vocal for empathy and human consideration and kindness. Let’s stop this now before it actually becomes an accepted part of our communities and culture. We can’t teach our children to stop bullying or cyberbullying if we adult bystanders don’t raise our voices for respect and integrity and most of all Empathy!

Please visit my website: EQforChildren.com

Parents, How To Address Back To School Anxieties!

Back To School

A new school year brings a mix of excitement and worries: “Will I do well? Will my teacher like me? Where will I sit? Will I be teased on the playground? Will I be invited to someone’s house? ” Such questions will arise more for children who have formerly been bullied or excluded, and may even be kept private.

We all face not being enough at times. Even popular children are anxious returning to school. What are your children’s back-to-school anxieties? Casually ask them while riding in the car and at dinner. Our feeling uncomfortable makes it difficult,parents, but necessary, to broach this hurtful topic. However, We must take steps to help prepare our children for inevitable situations.

Begin these talks in mid-August. That will give you plenty of time to work the conversations in naturally and slowly. Think of potential questions and worries and plan a strategy in advance for each anxiety.

Children don’t know how to identify or address anxieties. It interferes with their listening and processing skills, and the ability to stay focused. If children go to school anxious, they will lose substantial incoming information, especially new information.

After decades of study, I discovered that not being emotionally intelligent hampers the ability to manage emotions and stay present. According to Psychology Today, Emotional Intelligence or its shorthand EQ (the emotional version of IQ), is the “ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others.” As a child, I didn’t have the necessary skills to calm anxieties, redirect thoughts and persist despite frustration.
We can’t do much about other people’s behaviors but we can manage our own, creating an inner world that allows us to function, feel emotionally safe and reach our potential. Here are a few helpful hints based on the recognized key emotional intelligence skills. Practice these before the kids head off to those daunting first days of school.

1. Practice kindness. This builds inner and outer empathy, reducing anxiety. Encourage thinking and saying kind words to parents, siblings, pets, even strangers. Tell your children to think of these words as “gifts of love.” A loving thought to ourselves will also ease anxiety. The Emotional Intelligence (EQ) skill to empathize.

2. Choose “Happy Thoughts.” Positive self-talk is extremely important when we are fearful, anxious, and need support. We can’t always get this from parents, who are not in school, or from busy teachers. Practice this with your children until it becomes habitual, especially when they are feeling and acting negatively. “Can I have a happy thought, please?” is a great reminder to refocus and replace negative thoughts. Negative thinking only increases fears and anxieties. This builds self-confidence and is the best stance to take against a bully. The Emotional Intelligence (EQ) skill to motivate oneself.

3. Self-calming and soothing is essential. We lose focus, make bad decisions and are forgetful when we feel angry, frustrated, annoyed or scared. Keep saying “I” messages until you calm down. They clear the head and let you rethink and consider options. “I am calm.” “I am good.” “I am kind.” These are just a few. Pick your own. Have your children pick their favorites and practice! It is another “happy thought.” The Emotional Intelligence skill to self-regulate moods.

4. Persisting in the face of frustration is critical especially when being teased, failing, or not excelling at sports. If children learn to persist at these challenges now, when life altering challenges come along in later life, they will be able to carry on. The key is gratefulness. Stopping and saying to yourself what is good in your life takes you out of the victim role and allows you to move forward. When my children were younger, we would share our “gratefuls” at Friday night dinners. If your children become frustrated at school, they can stop, take a breath and think about something for which they are grateful. The Emotional Intelligence skill to persist in the face of frustration.

As parents, we too are anxious about the new school year. Vacations are over, schedules resume and homework becomes a priority. May these suggestions ease the start of school for the entire family! Slow down, take a breath and remember my “gifts of love” to you!

Article also appears on FamilyAffaires.com in the Back To School issue.
FamilyAffaires.Com Online Magazine/ Back To School Anxieties

Bullies As Role Models/ One Huge Step Backwards Parents!

Bullies As Role

There is a sadness that I feel as I tune into our major news networks. We have the glorification of name calling, racial slurs, demeaning words about different races and cultures and everyone seeing it as entertainment.

Children watch and learn from adults how to behave, react and what is permissible. They have always taken their cues from their immediate surroundings. Now they are taking their cues from a multiple of sources thanks to our global community and the technology that chronicles all of it. They hear their parents repeating the comments and being so enthralled with how entertaining they are, how excited they become with the very presence of these ideas being broadcast all over the internet, TV and newspapers.

Listen to your children and see that they will incorporate some of the verbiage into their own conversations with their friends and peers. It may not have the same content or the same frame of reference; however, the permission has been given for its transference into their language with its bullying innuendos and tone. The small strides that have been made in the area of bullying are now threatened by the very position these bullies are seeking to hold in this great democracy.

Do not be fooled that this is not being heard and absorbed by your children. It is and we are allowing its perpetuation by our very silence and our passive agreement to find it entertaining. It is detrimental to so many minorities, our global neighbors and to the very background this country has been founded on.

WE HOLD THESE RIGHTS TO BE SELF EVIDENT THAT ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL! Bully role models undermine this very tenet and the constitution of our great country. We have just given children the right to bully!

How To Praise Your Child, So It’s Banked!

Banking Praise

I make on bones about it! Children do not bank your praise and save it for a rainy day. It slips right by them. Why is that?

Receiving positive feedback for most people is difficult and that is because we were not given the training during our childhoods to stop, listen and take in those off-hand remarks of good job, way to go, nice project, etc. These remarks do not compute fully and are not remembered in the long term. How do you have to phrase the remark so it is not offhand and what skills do your children need to receive them.

Let’s begin on how to phrase them. In every coin of positive feedback, there needs to be specificity. You need to tell your child what job he did well. Also, it must begin with the word, “I”, and include an action word and a description of the job that was well done. For Ex. I am so proud how you helped me with your sister when she was tired and cranky. I can see the hard work in this social studies project for school and I am proud of the way you showed how creative you can be. Children love to please their parents and when you are specific they recognize how to get your appreciation at another time.

Sara Teasdale wrote a short verse that I have remembered since high school.
“Into my memory, I slipped a coin
That time cannot take nor thief purloin.
Far better than the minting of a gold crown king,
Is a safe kept memory of a lovely thing.”

How do you teach or train your children to receive positive feedback? This is actually a very important skill. If we do not learn this, then only the negative feedback will be remembered. That seems to stick like glue. This will effect every aspect of becoming emotionally able to meet challenges and overcome life’s ups and downs. Children have challenging times too. Getting positive feedback to remain active and remembered takes acknowledgment and repetition. For Ex.”Thank you, mom. I am really glad that I can help you when my sister is cranky.” Reinforcement “Dad, thanks for thinking my project was neat and that I made it different.” Reinforcement.

Stop, give, listen and receive. Yes, it takes work just like all important skills do. We didn’t learn to read or do math in one easy step. However, if you do this, the rewards will be great.

Oh, how my life would have been different if I had only been taught as a child or young adult to receive kindness and encouragement. Was there any positive things said to me? What I remembered was how I was bullied, discouraged and left to fend for myself emotionally.

We are so busy and running our children from one activity to the next or just engrossed in our tech world. Please take the time to give your children the gift of remembering what is so very good about them.

Signs Of Your Child Being Bullied, Why Do You Miss Them?

Signs of Bullying

It is true and incomprehensible that as parents we miss our children’s signs that they are being bullied. Are our heads in the sand, are we too busy, are their grades and performance in school more important? Are the changes that subtle that we accept what is? Wouldn’t their teacher have put us on notice? Do we attribute some of the behaviors to puberty, adolescence, stages in development?

We do all of these behaviors and rationalizations because it is painful to feel the hurt your child is experiencing. Feeling pain and hurt is always resistible even when the people we love the most exhibit changes that may indicate they are suffering silently. It demands action on our part and this is often very uncomfortable especially for those who avoid confrontation at all costs. And so we hope that it is only temporary and on their better days, we feel the relief and hope that somehow it all just disappeared. As parents, we have so many distractions today and spend less time with our children. Communication is limited and we pick up less nuances and subtleties.

If you see those subtle changes, withdrawal from activities, less enthusiasm, less willingness to participate in family, stop, observe and listen to their comments about what is going on around them. Their language will change. You will hear negative remarks, apathetic to even food choices, less talk about what was important to them before. Don’t jump to conclusions, just monitor their everyday choices and words. Make inquiries at school, especially about playground and lunch hours. Ask to speak to lunch aides and bus drivers. Do not confront your child until you have all the information and have a plan of action. Get advice from school counselors and parents you know that you can trust. If you can manage it, speak to a professional.

Please, do not let the bullying go on! The effects can be life-threatening and long lasting and certainly affect their quality of life.

80% Of Your Child’s Success Is Dependent Upon Emotional Intelligence(EQ). Not innate, 7 Ways To Teach These Skills At Home

Bully Inside Out. Gratitude
Aristotle, how many years ago, is quoted as saying, “Educating the brain without educating the heart, is no education at all.

Visit our new website: Parents..Activities to help build your child’s EQ

Studies are now showing the absolute need for a change in how we raise our children emotionally. Research into what our children need to succeed no matter what the race, culture, or social status is extensive. There is now a center at Yale University for Emotional Intelligence that is growing and expanding its outreach of their findings and the findings of research happening across the world. Daniel Goleman began this research doing studies in businesses and their successes when employees were trained in EI(EQ). It needs to begin at childbirth!

It has been established that 80% of a child’s success is the result of his Emotional Intelligence skills. We all know of very intelligent people who are unable to reach their potential as a result of social and emotional factors that stand in their way. We have been so focused on IQ and academic skill development that we have ignored the need for the development of the right brain that houses the emotional brain. Schools are now reevaluating when they will begin to teach reading and math. Studies now are showing that the introduction of these skills too young, especially with children that are lacking the emotional development from secure and safe homes, is detrimental to their succeeding academically. Eliminating active play (not ipads, etc.) inhibits the ability to enhance creativity, problem solving and managing emotions. All children do better academically when their play has been extended through at least kindergarten.

Teaching Emotional Intelligence skills in homes and classrooms will refocus our parents and our educators. This will also help to bring civility back to communities! Bullying on all fronts will slowly dissipate for with the practicing of new behaviors and refocusing on the positive messages, the development of our emotional brain will stimulate connection, communication, kindness and the ability to be engaged in stable relationships.

What does having an emotionally intelligent home look like? These 7 behaviors will resonate as daily occurrences:

Empathy for others through kindness/teaching appropriate relatedness
Choosing positive thinking that motivates good choices/builds confidence
Extending a hand in service helping us to choose others needs before our own/learning to delay gratification
Managing our emotions and regulating our moods with positive self-talk and awareness/self-control
Capacity to communicate our apologies and receive them helping to clear the path for more clear thinking
Learning to share, compromise, problem solve through play, role playing our dreams, hopes and goals
Persisting in the face of frustration by focusing on gratitude, re-experiencing our challenges as not being victimized

Not only will it give your children an academic edge, but also the foundation that will ensure their success in whatever they choose to do and will help them learn to be together in an atmosphere of sharing, kindness and please don’t forget play!

The Bully Voices In A Child’s Head, Hurt Them Emotionally! An Easy Way To Stop Them!

bad voices

Bully voices run through your child’s head. They don’t tell you but they are there. Where did they hear them? They heard them from teachers, peers, daycare providers, and even from you, mom and dad! How do they sound? “That is stupid.” “Can’t you ever get it right?” And as some women in a dress shop said to me recently, “That makes you rear end look big.” And I had just lost 70lbs. And my bully voice from age 7 reared it’s ugly head for just a split second until I handled it. If not, I would not have been proud of the 70lbs. One voice would have made it not enough.

And how do these bully messages or bad voices translate in our heads, “I am stupid, I am not good enough, I am a loser. play in their unconscious minds showing up in ways that tell us they are there and running the show. How do children react to these voices. They spend time alone and withdrawn. They overeat and use food for comfort. They model what parents do when their bully voices take hold.

We can help them stop those voices dead in their tracks. We can change the course of generational passing on of behaviors and habits that influence who they will become. It is easier with children. The baggage is newer and less ingrained. Children are more resilient and more open to new ideas especially if they are supported by their parents and loved ones. How do we stop those voices! It is actually so easy and for children it will become second nature. Every time one of those voices rears its ugly noise in their heads, they replace them with a positive one, “a happy thought.” Make a game out of practicing those “happy thoughts” with them. “I am smart. I am good. I am happy. These messages always start with the word, “I”. Great car activity, even sing them!

Parents, take on the bully voices in your head too. These voices are powerful and victimize! I know that you do not want your children to have the same approach to life’s challenges, the inner battles or the poor self-esteem they create. You love them too much and this works!

The most daunting part of this, is only your children can do this, not you, not their teachers, not their friends, or the food and feel sorry gifts. And yet, the feelings inside them of powerful, strong, happy will rock their world and yours. It promises you and them a life worth living!

Parents, Take Your Child Out Of Their “Bullying” Scene ! Please!!

bully game

When we think of Spring and Summer, we think of baseball, children’s summer sports and school ending. We are now in the 7th inning stretch and heading into the last days of school, playgrounds and schedules. The seventh inning stretch for all parents getting ready to “swing” into summer mode. Your children are depending on you to step up to the plate and hit a home run in planning for a summer that gives them time to play, rest, relax and most of all get away from the stress of teacher bullies, peer bullies and sports bullies.

If your child has been a victim of bullying, they need to have a summer free of this stress. What did you plan, more of the same? Is your child participating with the same children he goes to school with all year long? Or will they have a chance to regroup, be successful in making friends and be able to leave their bullies behind. Having been a victim of bullying, I know just how important this space of time is. I needed a chance to breathe and renew my very fragile sense of worth. Though my parents were not aware of my being bullied, I did attend camps that my school peers did not. My parents worked all summer with long hours and though I lived at the beach, they also needed responsible programming. I am grateful every summer for all the skills I learned and excelled at in camp. There was boating, swimming instruction, arts and crafts, campfires and long bus rides of summer songs, skills I am still proud to have. The owners of my camp were teachers, one I had in 8th grade and who did not tolerate any bullying in his classroom and my first good school experience. How lucky was that. Saved by a paddle and oar and a very wise camp director.

Plan a summer of fun and activities around your child’s talents and skills. Be sure that the adults know that your child has been a victim of bullying. Interview the adults carefully and see if they create an emotionally safe environment. As imperative as pulling your child out of a mean teacher’s class, so is it critical to explore all aspects of where your children will spend and engage in activities this summer. You can’t always pick your child’s teachers, Hey Mom and Dad, this one is your gig! Make it safe!

The seventh inning stretch, the game is still undecided as you are singing an old baseball tune, Take Me Out To The Ball Game! Let the Home Team Win!
Let your children have as many wins as possible this summer! It’s love at its Best!